I have now spent several days recovering physically from the miscarriage. Emotionally, the weight of it is settling down on my heart again. Strange to have my arm ache to hold my baby when his/her very exsistence was so short in my life. But already I had formed the mother's love bond, had planned names, formed mental snapshots of my husband holding him/her, my girls playing with the baby, etc. It feels cruel to have to abandon those images.
The other strange part is seeing that the world keeps turning. My oldest daughter still had to finish a scinece project, my husband still had to get to work early for meetings, the dentist still called to remind us of an appointment. I wanted to yell at everyone to stop. It reminds me of how little we really know about what's going on in other people's lives.
I feel like I'm clinging to the side of a cliff and have to choose between letting go or doing the work and climbing back up to the top. Everything seems hard right now. I know it will get easier, but I can't tell yet.
Thanks for listening.
