The Christmas rush is over. I am finally finding time for sitting still. This year was exceptionally busy since October. I almost feel lost without the rush of adrenaline propelling me forward. That's when I run into trouble. When I finally sit down and stop running and start thinking. I start doubting myself. Here's the lion's roar of doubts just so I can get them off my chest.
1. I am questioning why I have the craft sale every year. It always stresses me out. The profits are always eaten up with my own foolish over-preparation; meaning, I buy too many beads and too much yarn and can't even make everything in time. I had more jewelry this year than ever and while sales were around the same as last year, my product increased more. Not so profitable for me for all the work. My own fault, I just get such fun out of the creative process that I can't stop myself. I'm pretty sure it ended up costing me more to have the sale than I made. I'm afraid to find out for sure. How stupid is that.
2. My weight. Nothing like having the Wii fit tell you to lose weight. Did you know that they make your little Mii gain weight to match you? How embarassing! I know I need to lose weight. I honestly am not sure which approach to take. I've tried and failed at so many. It's not the exercise. I am on the treadmill 5 times a week. It's the snacking. I love chocolate and cookies and dessert way too much! But when I think of giving it all up, well, it makes the desire even greater. So then I tried the "eat only when hungry" programs..like Weigh Down (before the founder started to scare me with her "own" church) and The Seven Secrets of Slim People. Good concept, poor willpower on my part. Anyway, I'm worried that I'm headed for health problems, but too full of doubt that any program will actually work for me. The weight issue is a loaded one for me as I have been pressured about it by my family since I was a kid. (I better not even get started with that story or I'll be whining for hours!)
3. This blog. Yep. I'm getting freaked out about a blog. Why? Well, I feel so inadequate with my reviews! I read other book review blogs and see their detailed accounts of the books and I feel stupid for my short comments and amateur perspective.
4. My schooling. Here I am spending all this money to take web design classes when I don't even know for sure what I'll do with it when I'm done. Am I really talented enough to promote myself to get business. I don't want to work for someone else right now, so I'll have to find my own clients. How does one get clients when one is filled with self-doubt?
So there you have it. A whole lot of new free time to wallow in self-doubt and worry. Poor me. Now the trick is to take this time of reflection and use it to do something about these things. If I brainstorm about them...
1. New marketing ideas for my craft items? A temporary break from that business?
2. Forging ahead with a new weight-lose attempt?
3. Accepting my blog for what I am able to make it at this time? A break from it?
4. Doing my best with the school work now, trusting God for the future.
Maybe number 4 works for all of them. :)
Thanks for letting me share.