Tree Swing Reading

A Little Clarity on a Tuesday

It's been a while since I've written again.  Strange how I'm beginning to accept this about myself.  I'm not so great at blogging with regularity. But it doesn't mean I don't love my blog readers or care about blogging.  It's just a fact of the way my life is right now.

But I am writing today. I find that writing helps me come to some clarity and clarity sounds like a good thing today.

First, though, an update on my husband's job situation since many of you have asked how we're doing with that.  For those who don't know, my husband's company is closing it's office here and he is being laid off.  There's really nothing new to to report.  He's sent his resume out, but no bites on it yet.  Please keep praying about that for us as it concerns me a great deal.  I really, really don't want to move.

On a happier note, we are entering birthday season in our home. Both of my girls have birthdays this week, so we are having fun celebrating and planning all kinds of fun parties. My oldest turned 13 yesterday!  So I am now the mother of a teenager!  Her friends are throwing a surprise party for her tonight, which I think is the sweetest thing ever!

As for me, well, I am happy to report an influx of web/graphic design clients!  This is a good thing most of the time, but can be difficult for me to manage because of my own self doubts combined with the health aspect of my life.

Yep, my health issues have come back with a vengence! I am struggling with stomach problems almost constantly. And my fatigue is overwhelming. It has definately made it difficult to get my craft business back up and running, since I am often too tired to sew.  I don't know if it is stress that is making my health worse, but I know it frustrates me so much. If I had any idea what to do to fix it, I would try it. But everything I've tried has only made it worse. Sometimes I feel like Paul.  Like this health stuff is the "thorn in my side" that just won't go away. Not that I handle it at all with the courage he did or that I'm really anything like him at all, but it definately is my thorn that plagues me. Feeling sick more than half of the time is really hard.

Feeling sick messes with my confidence too. How can I commit to a large or quick website project when I am struggling?  How could I even hold down a regular job?  What if my husband doesn't find work again and I need to help bring in a more regular income?  Can I even do that?  It scares me.

So, I'm in a bit of a "glass is half empty" place right now. I'm trying to look at the positives though too. Like being thankful for more work and enjoying the work I'm doing. Like my husband having time to look for work before his current job is finished. Like having really great kids that I am so proud of.  Like the early arrival of spring in Wisconsin. 

See how positive I can be when I try? :)

So, that's my bit of clarity for today.  Focus on the positive. Do my best. Count my blessings. Push through the sickness as much as I can.  Love on my great kids. Support my husband. Enjoy my work.

I knew writing about it would help!

 

PS: Congrats to Britt: winner of Over the Edge

Laughing at Myself

Today I'm having a bit of a chuckle at myself.

I was looking back over my blog posts and feeling kind of embarrassed.  I must look like a wack-a-doodle to you guys sometimes.

I'm always announcing big plans: open business, close business, re-open business; be busy, no be slow; run a 5k, no do P90X; read more, read less; CRAZY! haha

So, if you haven't figured it out by now, I'll let you in on a little secret. I have no idea what I'm doing half the time!  Do you ever feel like that?  I'm just doing my best with what each day gives me.  And the lesson in this little review is for me to remember that each day is different and that I shouldn't make any rash decisions about my entire future based on the feelings of one day.

So who knows what will happen with my next attempt at handling 2 businesses and running my home.  Good thing I can laugh about it. 

On businesses, books, and busyness...and upcoming giveaway

Hi! I thought I'd write a little update so you'd know what I'd been up to...

I ended up registering two businesses in my name. Crazy, right?  I had decided that it was time to follow my dreams a bit more and really go after the craft business aspect of my life so I finally took the plunge and officially registered my craft business, but I guess God had other plans. I had three new web design clients "fall" in my lap all in one day. So then I officially registered my web design business too. In between working with my new clients, I am trying to revamp my own websites to officially launch them. I'm also tweaking my craft offerings, so I need to get some good sewing/designing time in for that too. Exciting but busy! I'm so grateful to have something good to focus on in the midst of my husband's job uncertainty, etc.

As far as reading goes, well, the only times I've been reading lately is when I'm on the treadmill. So I'm sorry I haven't had many book reviews lately. I only managed to read one of my daughter's Battle of the Books books too. Today's the day, but I'm just doing the timer, so it shouldn't matter that I haven't read them.

We also had unexpected guests for the weekend. My husband's best friend's dad died on Friday and we had some mutual friends from Michigan come stay with us. I love having guests and being hostess, but it did add to the busyness, especially since I taught a Ladies Night Out craft event on Friday night too.

So, all in all, it's been a really unique time of change for me. I'm working a lot more and trying to figure out how to balance that with my kids' needs too. I'm excited for all the opportunities, but nervous about meeting expectations. I don't want to go back to the extreme levels of stress I had last year.

I hope you are still reading, because I do have a giveaway coming starting tomorrow!  So, be sure to come back then!

Happy Heart Day!

Happy Valentine's Day!  I hope you are spending the day with people you love!  I got excited for V-day this year. I made heart-shaped pancakes for breakfast and made heart jello like this:

from "The Hungry Housewife"

and will make heart-shaped pizza for dinner and red velvet brownies for desert!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here's the brownie link too. From "Smells Like Home."

I hope my husband and girls like them! 

I  have to admit that my obsession with Pinterest led me to these ideas!  Anyone else on Pinterest?  Come find me at: http://pinterest.com/tami227/

Reading, reading, reading

Hi friends,

Just wanted to let you know that my reading schedule will be a bit different for the next 2 weeks. I volunteer at my daughter's middle-school library and have been asked to help with this year's Battle of the Books.  Battle of the Books is like a quiz bowl about a selected group of books with teams competing to answer the most questions correctly.  I am trying to read the books from the seventh grade list.

The books are:

Drums, Girls & Dangerous Pie	Jordan Sonnenblick
Hoot	Carl Hiaasen
House of the Scorpion	Nancy Farmer
Life as We Knew It	Susan Pfeffer
The Lost Years of Merlin	T.A. Barron
Mortal Engines	Phillip Reeve
Never Trust a Dead Man	Vivian Vande Velde
Road to Memphis	Mildred Taylor
Shabanu, Daughter of the Wind	Suzanne Fisher Staples
Shackelton’s Stowaway	Victoria McKernan
Slam	Walter Dean Myers
Tasting the Sky	Ibtisam Barakat
The Traitor	Laurence Yep
What the Moon Saw	Laura Resau

I better get busy reading!

Thanks for all your prayers about my husband's job situation.  We appreciate it!

The News

So, two days ago I wrote about a phone call that changed things for me.

It was my husband calling to say he was being laid off.

I have to admit that I am pretty shook up about this. Years ago after our second child was born, we made the decision that I would leave my job as an Editor and stay home full time to care for our girls.  So, even though I've been working at my own businesses (craft and web design), we are dependent on his income almost completely.

My first reaction was fear. What are we going to do?  His job is very specialized (Biostatistician), and there are not many positions like it in our area.  I don't want to move and pull our kids out of their schools and comfort zone.

My second reaction was trying to plan. I thought of a whole bunch of crazy things I could try to sell off to make money.  Even though we are fine for a while financially, I immediately jumped to strange images of us living off of ramen noodles and Spam. I regreted everything I bought in the last  year.

Then I went into super planner mode.  I googled all kinds of things about jobs for myself.

Then I got depressed as I realized that making the decision to be a "stay-at-home" mom 8 years ago sort of shot a big whole in my resume. I'm really realizing how "unhireable" I am. And this bugs me. I guess it's pride, but I really want to be able to help contribute to our family's needs somehow. I want a tangible thing I can do with a direct result that earns income, even if we don't exactly need it yet.

Then I went into super verse-searching mode. I looked up all kinds of Bible verses and prayed really hard. On my face. And that did help. I found peace. For a whole day.  I comforted my husband. Said the right things to him about "as long as we're together..." etc. And I do mean them, but I feel the tides of anxiety creeping back in again.

In all this ranting, I sound really seflish. It's just a job.  Not his health.  And, after our big health scare a few years ago with his Lofgren's Syndrome, a job is really a much better thing to lose than health.  But it's still scarey.  And upsetting.  Especially for my sweet husband who works so hard. Who is so good at his job. Who really gave his heart to his company and did his best for them.  It feels like a slap in the face for him. And that's crappy.  So now I'm in the anger stage. I'm really mad at the company that couldn't see his fabulousness enough to forego taking his job away just for the chance to close their office here.  I know it's not personal, but it feels personal.

So I think I'm going through the stages of grief. Grief over a job. But more than that, it's grief over the comfort that his imcome provided. It's mourning the loss of that security.  And trust me, I'm not doubting God.  I am completely confident that He has a plan in all this.  But sometimes it might not be a plan that is easy.  And following His plans when they are hard (especially if it's hard on my kids) is scarey.

So, if you would, please pray for guidance in all this. Please pray for a new opportunity for my husband and for healing for his self-esteem that has taken a hit in all this.  Please pray that I would truly be supportive for my husband and for my kids who are also scared about this.  Please pray that I would find some tangible way to contribute to my family.

Thanks. It's good to have people praying.  We appreciate it.

 

Back to Routine

It's been quite a holiday season in our household!  I decided to make waaaayy too many of my gifts and got behind and then stressed and then had all my health problems that come with stress.  Lesson: make a few gifts over the whole year, not in the last 2 weeks before Christmas!   I know, duh, right?  But easier to say now than do...

My kids are finally heading back to school tomorrow. We've had a long break and it feels really late to be coming out of Christmas vacation, though of course our "politically correct" school calls it "winter break." Anyway, I am excited to get back to the routine of our lives, but dreading the constant go-go of our schedules too. 

I've been letting fear rule my heart too. My youngest is battling some big fears in her life and I can't help but feel like I'm being sucked into them.  It's so hard for a mother's heart to watch horrible anxiety manifest itself in your baby.  It is my constant prayer for her to find peace from her fears.  My oldest is approaching teenagedom and faces all the pressures and issues that are part of middle school.  I pray for her constantly too.  And my husband appears to have been swallowed by his job.  He is so busy.  I miss him but am trying to be understanding and supportive and thankful that he has a job.

Through all this I am still trying to get a handle on who I am supposed to be. I am trying to be content in my multiple-personality-type approach to life right now as I bounce from role to role.  Or, more aptly, try to keep all the plates spinning at the same time.  Some days the frustration with all these roles leads to a depression, especially after a really busy season like Christmas was for us.

I've been reading very little lately too.  I am trying to be calm about my own lack of enthusiasm in this area, and recognize that it ebbs and flows like all my other pursuits and passions.  This seems to be the key for me right now. Just riding the tide and not fighting it so hard.

So, now you're all caught up on where I've been.  How are things with you?

Another Trip...

So, now that we are home again I can post that we were gone. We just had a week away with just the four of us, staying in a cottage right on the lake in Door County Wisconsin.  Door County is that piece of land of Wisconsin (the thumb) that sticks out into Lake Michigan.  We had a really nice time, even though two of us were sick for part of it.

This coming week will be family focused again, as my husband celebrates his 40th birthday!  The girls and I are planning all kinds of fun surprises for him! 

I did some more reading this week and can't wait to tell you about the books I read! I'm way behind on book reviews.

In the meantime, I'm looking for ideas for our book club. We read Christian fiction and non-fiction.  Nothing to scarey or edgy. Stand-a-lones preferred. Any suggestions?

I hope you are having a great summer too! I'm off to work on the post-vacation laundry pile!

Whew!

Hello friends! Once again I have survived the end-of-the year chaos with my kiddos and am thrown right into the busyness of summer. Actually, I'm hoping that this summer will be less busy than usual, but we will see.

I have been reading and reading like crazy. But I've been reading mostly youth books; previewing them for our church library and wanting to get them done before we started our summer reading program. Our church has a wonderful summer reading program for kids and I always love seeing all the extra readers in the library during that time! Our theme this year is "Take a Reading Road Trip." I can't get pictures to load right now or I'd show you pictures of the logos. Oh well!

On the home front I've made more changes again. I closed my craft business...for now. I looked at the finances of it and realized I was losing money on it. It's just really hard to make a craft business successful! My hat's off to those who can do it! I just closed it a week ago, so I'm still adjusting to the idea and not really feeling the difference yet in my schedule. I hope it will makes things less hectic.

Speaking of hectic. I feel a desperate longing in my heart to slow things down. I don't know why I am perpetually struggling with this, but I really, really need to ease up my pace. My blood pressure is soaring and my anxiety attacks have been troublesome. I also can see the effects on my home and my kids. We are disorganized and scattered and it is my job to set the mood of peace and joy in our home as a resting place for my husband and kids. I am so convicted of this, but really struggling to implement it. There is a deep sense of inadequacey settling in my bones right now as I wrestle with this and try to figure out why I am always so busy. I really want to change this.

I have a new giveaway to do though! As a "welcome back" to my blog (I may just have to accept that my blogging abilities ebb and flow), I will start a new giveaway today! I hope I still have some followers left who want some free books!

Love and hugs to you! Tami

Still Here...

Hi Friends!

It's been a while since I blogged, hasn't it?  I am barely finding time to read these days it seems.  My craft business (www.creativetreedesigns.com) has really taken off lately and I am just trying to keep up with orders, not to mention the web design work I've been getting lately too. Throw in my kids' dance rehearsals, piano, soccer, and everything else, and, well, you know...same old story...busy! I'm thankful for the work, but missing my books too!

Both my girls had birthdays too.  I can't believe my kids are 9 and 12 now!  Time flies!  We had lots of fun with a "Minute to Win it" party for my 12-year-old and a "Puppy" themed party for the youngest.

I have a few more books to write about here, but am sad to say I haven't read very many lately.  Right now I'm reading The Face of Betrayal by Lis Wiehl, April Henry. I got an ipad for my birthday and so I've been reading it on that while I walk/run on the treadmill.  (Still training for a 5K in May to run with my daughter).  It's a really good book.  I'm also trying to find good historical/Amish fiction to preview to give to some elderly women from church who are homebound and need good books--any suggestions?

Sorry I've been absent so long. Check out my website if you want to see what I've been up to. :)  I hope to have another "Spring Cleaning" giveaway soon since my bookshelves are getting really full!

Hope you are well.  Let me know if you're still there and it will encourange me to write a bit more faithfully again. :)

Thanks!

Tami