Tree Swing Reading

31 Days of Nourishing my Soul: the wrap-up

 

 

 

 

Can you believe that October has come and gone already?

I have to apologize that my series died out a bit in the end. I had the best of intentions, but life got in the way a bit, including a nasty bout with the stomach flu.

31 days is really a short amount of time to change one's whole history of beliefs about a topic.  But I wanted to. I wanted to come to the end of October with a whole new outlook about food and faith and how they work together. And, while I didn't find all the answers, I do find that my outlook is changing.

Here's few things I learned this month:

1. each decision about food, how I spend my time, what I focus on, etc. is part of of bigger journey and those decisions can add up to something bigger

2. prayer is a powerful way redirect my tendency to dwell on the things I shouldn't

3. fresh starts are possible at any moment

4. it's not so much about what I eat as it is how much I think about it and "worship" it

5. anything can become an idol when it's value is placed above God

6. when something unimportant is becoming too important in my life, fasting from it can be a good way to reset my "normal" in relationship to that thing

7. God loves me no matter the number on a scale

 

Thanks to those of you who took this journey with me. I'm sure I will have more to say on this subject somewhere down the line.

31 days of nourishing my soul: "But it's not fair!"

This phrase comes out of my mouth way too often: "It's not fair!"

It's not fair that other people can eat whatever they want and never gain a pound.  It's not fair that he can lose weight by just cutting out one cookie.  It's not fair that I can exercise HARD for an hour every day and still not lose much weight.

An ugly and unflattering cycle of self-pity and wallowing.

Sometimes I justify my choices by this means. The "it's not fair..." excuse for giving in to temptation. I think Satan uses this method gleefully to trap us.

I look at my skinny friends and wish I could trade places with them.

But here's the thing I realized lately. No matter how perfect someone else's life looks, we all have things that we have to learn to give up and sacrifice.  We all have "idols" that get in our way and tempt us.

James 1:3-4 "You know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

And, as Lysa TerKeurst puts it in Made to Crave:

"...This truth should be the cry of our souls instead of Satan's lie that 'it's not fair.' Our taste buds make such empty claims to satisfy us, but only persevering with God will make us truly full, complete, not lacking anything." page 106

31 days of nourishing my soul: no parking in dissatisfaction

The last time I wrote about this, I was caught in a place of frustration and self-pity. I had been comparing myself to other women and let it get me discouraged.  I agree with Lysa TerKeurst in the following quote from Made to Crave, I think Satan uses those moments to wear us down:

"...in the grand scheme of things, I know this is a shallow concern. But, if I allowed my brain to park in a place of dissatisfaction about any part of my body, it would give Satan just enough room to move in with his lie that strips me of my motivation: 'You're body is never going to look the way you want it to look, so why sacrifice so much? Your discipline is in vain.' That's why I have to seek the Lord's persepctive and, as Psalm 103 reminds us, 'forget not all his benefits.' "  page 83

So now I am declaring "No Parking" to my brain.  No parking on that place of hating my appearance. I am motivated to be healthy.

31 days of nourshing my soul: the real issue

So, not every day is a happy day. Today I am mad at myself. Mad at my body. We are a month away from our family trip to Disney World and, truthfully [with brutal honesty], I was hoping that no sugar + P90X would help me drop a few more pounds before we go. I know it's selfish and doesn't really jive with the real purpose of my journey, but today is a day where I can't seem to be strong enough to keep it from getting to me.  I can't lose weight.  Come on, it's P90X and only 4 pounds?  I've sweat buckets and nothing this week?

How do I do this? How do I pull the focus off my vanity?  How do I feel loved in this body? The way I am?  When everything in me has been taught that I am not successful or lovable unless I am thin?  There is no nourishment for my soul today because I feel raw.  I feel like no amount of self-control will ever bring the lean, healthy body I am longing for.

And that feels like the craving that's even bigger and badder than the chocolate.  That's the "idol" I have been craving at the expense of my relationship with God.  That "image" of me as a thin person is what I have been drooling for. I have put that before all else. It hurts to admit it.

My Top Ten Tuesday could be a list of ten diets I have poured my money and heart into and held my breathe in vain expectations that they would save me. But there are more than ten. And they are not wrong, in and of themselves, but I am wrong in my adoration of them. And they are not my Savior.

That's all I have for today. Just being real in my own pain that the numbers on a scale have come to be the measure of my worth. 

31 Days of Nourishing my soul: by nourishing others

Sometimes the best way to nourish my own soul is to nourish someone else's.

To get my eyes off myself for a while. To get perspective.

I have a friend who is hurting. A lot. She has a daughter with mysterious health issues. She has to watch her condition deteriorate without knowing why.

I can't do much to make it better. Not really. I don't have answers or real solutions. But I can try to minister to her in little ways. With coffee time and pumpkin muffins. By working on a project together.  Praying together.

And I learned that all that time reaching out to her gave me a wonderful chance to quiet the noise in my own head. 

Remember how I said each craving was a reminder to pray? Like a brick? Now my cravings are reminders to pray for others too. So how can I pray for you today?

 

31 Days of Nourishing my soul: so I may know Him better

My readings today in Made to Craveby Lysa TerKeurst reminded me of the real reason for this journey.

A reminder I needed right now.

Yes, I want to lose weight and fit in smaller clothes, that would be nice. But that's not my main reason for this season of fasting from sugar.

The real reason is the promise that exercising self control and sacrifice will draw me closer to my Lord and Savior as I turn to Him for help.

When my husband and I have "discussions" and I feel like he's not getting what I'm trying to say, I often end my sentences with "...it my point."  I've done it so many times over the years, that now he finds it funny and will add it to his sentences too.  It actually helps us make a tense situation less tense.

Because the second week of this journey was definately harder than the first, it's a perfect time to remember the point of this exercise. To allow each and every craving for chocolate, cookies, ice-cream, etc. to be a reminder to turn my focus again.  For me, it doesn't have to be some grand gesture of expecting that "snap" and it's that easy to have full reliance on God alone. That's a life-long struggle to get right and I don't think anyone can fully accomplish that on this earth. Instead, it's a nudge to whisper words of love to Him, to thank Him for my blessings, and to remember His love for me.

 

31 Days of Nourishing My Soul: moving my body

Part of nourishing my soul has been a new journey of strengthening my body. I've been wanting to start lifting weights as part of my regular exercise routine, so this was the perfect opportunity to challenge myself and get started.

God provided for me here too.

Along came a friend who was starting a P90X challenge. P90X is a pretty intense 90-day fitness program. I jumped at the chance to join a group of people who would help hold me accountable to doing it every day. So far, so good. It's hard work and I sweat buckets, but I love the strength I am gaining. I love the way God has designed our bodies to move. Every day when I stumble through the end of the day's workout, I feel blessed and thankful.

Who knew that sweating so much would be refreshing to my soul!

 

31 Days of Nourshing my Soul: when i fall down

i fell down.

bummer.

i don't know if i was withdrawing from the sugar or fighting too many hormones [lack of my own progesterone is a perpetual, painful struggle for me] or battling too many temptations [pantry of Halloween candy]; but i didn't make it to 31 days of no sugar perfectly.

So the next part of nourishing my soul is to forgive myself, dust myself off, and start over. Not to give in and allow myself to quit because i messed up.

eating a candy bar is a small slip, i tell myself, right?

but it still hurts. it still goes against the promise i made to God to fast from sugar for 31 days. how could i have messed up so early in the month?  the very act of giving it up has raised it's value in my mind and grown it into something exponentially larger than ever.  it has made me question even the purpose and value in doing this exercise when i am not ethically opposed to sugar in and of itself. that was never the point. to make a stand against sugar is so not the point.

so why do it at all? why not go back to "moderation?"

Because the value of candy/cookies/chocolate in my life has taken on an idol-like proportion.

Like an addict. i want those things with a thirst that taunted me, laughed at me for it's riduculousness [it's only chocolate], and taken on a meaning that is golden-calf like in it's substitution for the true and proper longing for intimacy with my Lord.

i fell down. it laughs at me now.

But i am not condemed. "Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Romans 8:1

i am starting fresh. 31 days of nourshing my soul is not lost from falling down. falling down is part of the journey. i get up again. and go back to making one decision at a time. one step at a time.

31 Days of Nourishing my Soul: when I'm discouraged.

I almost gave up on my whole journey. I'm feeling so sick and hormonal and crabby. I thought some chocolate might make it better.

But the journey is not one I am making alone. There is a community of people all making 31-day journeys. There are my blog-reading friends. There's my family.

I'm so thankful that God gives us a community of people to come beside us when we are tired and discouraged.

A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. Ecc. 4:12 [NLT]

 

31 Days of Nourishing my Soul: moving bricks

Today had a lot of cravings in it for the kind of foods that I dwell on and make too important in my life.

But God's timing was so good to me today! I read just the right chapter in the Made to Crave book. Terkeurst writes of using each craving as a prompt to pray.  So I fully expect to become quite a pray-er!

From the book:

"It was my way of tearing down the tower of impossibility before me and building something new. My tower of impossibility was food. Brick by brick, I imagined myself dismantling the food tower and using those same bricks to build a walkway of prayer."       Made to Crave page 30.

Today I am moving bricks!